新東方名師在線點(diǎn)評(píng)考研英語(yǔ)作文第一期點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　第一期題目：2003年考研英語(yǔ)作文真題

　　Directions:

　　Study the following set of drawings carefully and write an essay in which you should:

　　1. describe the set of drawings, interpret its meaning, and

　　2. point out its implications in our life.

　　You should write about 200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)1

　　As is not strange, the flower lives a happy life booming in blossom when it is placed in the greenhouse and sheltered from bad weather. But, what will happen if the flower is exposed to the rain and wind? As we can see from the picture, the flower just cannot stand the weather and becomes withered quickly in despair.

　　It is really a vivid picture which implies the situation with which the solitary younger generation are now confronted. The parents love their dear children so much that they give them everything wanted, provide best conditions for them, and even just leave their kids only passively waiting for whatever they need. Not surprisingly, when the children grow up and enter the complicated society, they feel lonely, helpless, yet just can't adapt themselves to many things they have to face. Consequently, they become desperate like the pathetic flower in the picture.

　　It is high time that we took measures to change the situation. First, teachers should try to brand self-consciousness on the students' mind and just say "do it yourself" to them on many occasions. Second and more important, the parents should realize that if they do everything for their children, which may make the young live a better life at present, the children would eventually lose their courage, confidence as well as hope in the future. With the endeavor of both the parents and the teachers, we have every reason to believe that the generation are bound to have a glorious future.

　　原文從文章結(jié)構(gòu)到語(yǔ)言內(nèi)容都相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)，可以看出作者有相對(duì)較高的寫作水平。但是美中不足的是注意兩點(diǎn)：第一，句子不要過長(zhǎng)，導(dǎo)致意思晦澀，代詞所指不清；第二，詞性的正確性需要提高，比如It is highly time中highly應(yīng)為high time，brand self-conscious中賓語(yǔ)應(yīng)為名詞self-consciousness等，這些細(xì)節(jié)對(duì)獲得高分不利。

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)2

　　As is depicted in the two pictures, a sharp contrast is shaped as to the fate of a flower. In the first picture, a beautiful flower, taking shelter from heavy rain and lightening in a greenhouse, is in full blossom. If we put it into different circumstances, like in the second picture, we will find it withered. Under different conditions, how strikingly different the flower’s fate is! The comfortable circumstances make the flower too fragile to stand the bad weather.

　　The thought-provoking implication, which is reflected in the two pictures, reminds me of the children in China who are spoiled by their parents. Nowadays, the parents often devote themselves to loving their children, as there are many one-child families and thus all their hopes rely on the cherished child. What’s more, with the development of the society, competition will become much fiercer in the future. So, many parents expect their children to be excellent in study, and often spare no efforts to satisfy the children’s demands. As a result, lots of spoiled children can’t adapt themselves to the society when they grow up. Like the fate of the flower, they often encounter failures and are often at a loss in coping with failures.

　　Parents all over the world love their children, but the way of showing it varies. Children are the future of our nation. I hope the family and the society could join their hands endeavoring to help our children to learn to deal with difficult situations and become independent.

　　原文結(jié)構(gòu)合理，無需所大的改動(dòng)。在語(yǔ)言上，從句型的變化和微觀措辭來看，作者具備了相對(duì)不錯(cuò)的寫作功底。但是如果能夠在微觀準(zhǔn)確性上有所提高，那就更好。比如reflect在文章應(yīng)該是主動(dòng)還是被動(dòng)，precious child的搭配是否常見等。

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)3

　　A flower growing in a greenhouse becomes atrophied when it is exposed to harsh weather by removing its protective shelter. It is a metaphoric illustration that can serve as a warning to us. Pretty much like the flower, we grow up in a comfortable environment or even more than that. We live under the protection of love derived from our parents, our guiders, and our friends. However, sometimes we have so much protection that the good thing itself starts to cloy our mind. We get too much love from people around us; we no longer know the real color of the reality of the world; we take it granted that the weather will always be fine, and that the storm and tempest is nothing but a kind of remote illusion related by a granny in some fairy tale, in which the abominable misery falls always upon those vicious and treacherous people. But reality is reality, in case terrible things do fall upon us...

　　很遺憾文章沒有寫完，單詞量當(dāng)然也就不夠，但是文章美麗的聯(lián)想已經(jīng)吸引了讀者。作者要注意的是要強(qiáng)化句子的概念，注意句子的完整性獨(dú)立性。

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)4

　　As it is vividly depicted in the picture, the flower is booming under the protection of a greenhouse. However, when it is taken out of this environment, it becomes withered. This reminds me of the children from one-child families. They have the same advantages and disadvantages.

　　Just like the flower in greenhouse, children from one-child families are considered as pearls in their parents’ hands. They had happy and sweet childhood, without a sense of bitterness. The problem appears when they go to school. There, they are not the only pearl any more, and they must learn how to take care of themselves, how to face failures, and how to deal with the relationship with friends, teachers and so on. They lose their umbrella, which protects them from injury. These problems further make them feel confused, discouraged, and shy. As to this phenomenon, I think three aspects will improve and change this situation. First, they must learn to be independent. Regardless only child or not, they should consider being independent as the first step to change this disadvantage. Second, they must adapt themselves to the environment as soon as possible. This is an essential quality they are required before entering into the society. Last but not least, they must stay in a good psychological state. Failures or difficulties will not exist forever as long as they persevere and face them bravely.

　　As is said above, independence, adaptation and a good psychological state are the basic elements to overcome these problems. Practice more, and they w ill find the life is not as hard as it seems.

　　文章在結(jié)構(gòu)上需要對(duì)二三兩段做出更加合理的布局，二段涉及方法的內(nèi)容可以和第三段整合。語(yǔ)言方面要注意句子的獨(dú)立性、詞性的準(zhǔn)確性。

　　相關(guān)專題：名師在線點(diǎn)評(píng)考研英語(yǔ)作文